Saturday, September 7, 2013

Drowning My Sorrows In Salt Water

Its been a rough couple weeks to say the least!

I know you read the post about Mako..but I also just recently lost a lil Chihuahua Bella almost a week ago. She got out of the backyard.. and we were all there and no one noticed.

I am devistated.. I lost 2 dogs in one week!!

We were in the backyard celebrating my 2 sons birthdays..Chris turned 25 on Sept. 1 and Nate turned 23 on Sept. 2. We had Bella in the back yard and were trying to introduce the backyard to her. She was deathly afraid to go out there when Mako was there..but Mako would never hurt her. But she did not know that! So when She was in the backyard that night.. I dont think she realized Mako was no longer there and found a way out.

I thought Brian took her to bed with him.. but when we woke up before 6:00 am we realized she was missing.

I immediatly got dressed and went looking for her for 3 hours. Then my amazing Neighbors Steve and Mitzi made flyers... got them printed and we also posted on various web pages to look for her. We all went on foot and put up posters and went door to door.. NO Bella.

I been going to the pound and am about to make more posters and go to local vets and groomers and pet stores around here.
I am a wreck!! A broken wreck!

Bella went missing Sunday night..

Tuesday hubs and i went to the beach to surf.. I was crying when we showed up. I never stopped crying from the time she went missing. SO my surf friends all had to deal with the mess I am.

I just wanted to grab my board and head out to sea. My plan was to sit outside and just cry. My neighbor Daryl gave me his 9' foam board... because he knew i was not in a good state of mind and the last time i surfed.. (after putting Mako down) I really sucked. He said to use it till I got my mojo back.

I was suited up and walking to see where to paddle out and just wanted to be left alone!
Well I was stopped in the parking lot by Susan and a few of the Blackies crew who hugged me and gave me a few pep talks..and out in the line up. I had Dawn and Kim trying to chear me up and convinced me to catch some waves..

I did and actually had a good time...even though I was still devasted..

Glad i surfed and was with my surfing Ohana.. really helped especially since after surf we went to the pound to look for Bella.. no Bella to be found..and seeing all those lil faces tore me apart! I wanted to take them all home!

So we needed to surf again...

Went back the next day and it was even better..I was not crying as much.. and had an amazing surf day. Everyone was in the water. Surf was bigger, glassy, water was warm and Clean.. you could see the bottom no problem.. lil fish swimming everywhere and ALOHA spirit was definatly there.

I caught so many waves I lost count.. I also put my hand in the wave as I was riding down in. That was a first for me and just a beautiful experiance.

We went again the following day and it was closed out, water was cold and seemed like we were in a completely different world.

BUT we all still went in and even though it was not as great as the last two days... we all had fun.

SO yes I am down .. I was completely broken..YOU HAVE NO IDEA!

I was at the point where I was questioning every thing.. Especially Karma.. I have saved so many dogs and reuinited them with thier owners.. and saved dogs and found them great homes. Why is that not happening to me? I am getting depressed about the job search not going anywhere..and my hubs job slowing down for the season. Wondering how we are gonna make it! This heat wave is killing me and we have NO AC and live where the temperatures are over 100 right now. I am sick of struggling and EVERYTHING falling apart on me..No really my whole house is falling apart.. everything is breaking..Hubs has not been helping.. he has actually been very negative..and that does not help! I am doing the woe is me.. the WHY ME?!?! I am very much a good person and even when I am piss ass poor .. I will give the shirt off my back to help anyone! I was ready to throw in the towel.. I was ready to take my surfboard that first day and just paddle out to sea.. I was DONE!

Then I go to Blackies see a lot of the crew..and get to surf.. THEY helped me so much..they have no idea.. Things are not better by any means..But having the support and encouragement of my surf Ohana.. is amazing.. and Surf??? Well I am totally convinced Salt Water heals all..

This Too shall pass! Iam strong and I have an amazing support system! Trying to stay strong.......